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MIAMI HEAT NEED ‘GOOD CHRISTIAN CENTER’ SAYS LOCAL COLUMNIST

Daniel Wesley - "LeBron is searching for a championship ring, but I really hope he finds a sweet Christian girl to share a wedding ring with."

“Sure, Chris Bosh puts up monsterous dunks every night, but is he sharing the gospel with his fellow teammates?”, said Daniel Wesley, a local high school sports columnist for the Jonesborro Gazette.

“High-flying blocks and rebounds are exciting, but a center who knows the new testament…well, that just takes the cake for me,” said Wesley as he looked at his cat with a half smile.

“Take our church league for example. Our team’s starting center Mark Goodwell only made two baskets this whole year, and one was on the wrong goal, but when you see the smile on his face you’re happy to see him going up and down the court…even if it is much, much slower then the rest of the players,” said Wesley, “Just the other week he shared his testimony, and wouldn’t you know it, the very next game he grabbed three rebounds and didn’t foul out. If that’s not a miracle then I don’t know what is.”

Wesley continued, “There has to be a strong corrolation between faith and basketball… sure, Pat Robertson might not be able to beat Michael Jordan in a game of one on one, but by the grace of God, I bet it would be a heaven of a game to watch!”

Senior editor of the Jonesborro Gazette, Charles Schmitt said, “Our story on the fire department’s purchase of a new vending machine fell through, and we had to fill it with some kind of article. So we let Daniel write an opinion piece. My degree in journalism tells me this is the a horibbly polarizing and crediblly weak article, but our small rural town loves this stuff.”

Schmitt also has full-time employment at Office Depot.

When asked if religious commentator Glenn Beck would do well on a basketball court, Wesley responded, “I don’t think he counts. He’s a fucking Mormon.”

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