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BLOCKBUSTER EMPLOYEE ASSAULTS A REDBOX

Police arrest Seacrest. Redbox remains unharmed.

Police arrested former Blockbuster employee David Seacrest at approximately 8:30 p.m. Saturday for public intoxication, and attacking a Redbox DVD dispenser near a Target corridor.

Target store manger, Gary Green gave police surveillance footage which shows Seacrest stumbling out of the Target and scolding the Redbox about the current job market.

“We see drunks disturb people,” said Officer Gerald Davenport, ” but he was having an actual conversation with the Redbox for twenty minutes.”

Seacrest then asked the Redbox, “Do you really care that you are taking away hundreds of jobs from real people like me? I didn’t even like “The Tourist”. Depp should have never shared the screen with Angelina Jolie. [explicit] moron.”

Customers report that when the Redbox didn’t answer Seacrest, he then asked it why it was ‘ignoring him’ and if it ‘thinks it’s better then him’. He proceeded to push it and ask ‘What-cha got?’ He then took several violent swings at the Redbox scaring away customers.

When police arrived on the scene they found Seacrest on the ground, curled in a ball and sobbing. He had also had five bags of Doritos, which where purchased from the store; and three packs of opened Topps baseball cards, which were shoplifted.

When police asked the intoxicated Seacrest if he knew that shoplifting carries an immediate $5,000 fine in the state of Washington, Seacrest responded, “ Who cares, the Neftali Feliz rookie card of will be worth much more then that in ten years.”

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