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PEYTON MANNING UPSET THAT COACH ‘WON’T LET ME BE WATER BOY FOR JUST ONE GAME’

Peyton Manning

Manning kills time playing football while awaiting role as water boy

“Come on. Just one game.” Peyton Manning said to head coach Jim Caldwell who marched past and slammed his office door.

“What most coaches don’t know is that 12 of the last 15 Super Bowl champs had the No. 1 ranked water boy on their roster. So it’s simple math. The No. 1 quarterback, which is me, equals the No. 1 water boy…d-uh!,” said Manning as he rolls his eyes.

When asked about the absurd request, Colt’s water boy, Toby Peterson replied, “Oh my god, that guy won’t leave me alone. Every [explicit]-ing time I’m setting-up he asks about mineral properties and whether I prefer Aquafina or Dasani. And no, I’m not signing anymore of that man’s water bottles. It’s [explicit]-ing insulting.”

When asked about his collection Manning responded, “Oh yeah! I’ve got a trophy room full of water paraphernalia. I tell my wife that I’m polishing my Super Bowl ring, but I lost that thing a long time ago. I’m really trading out water filters and looking at the 1975 photo of Henry Weinstein and “The H20 that saved the day”.

 “Our next big game is against the Saints. Now is the most important time for me to take over because that’s the game that everyone is the thirstiest,” said Manning. “After every game I thank God, my family and the people who supply me with water, but not necessarily in that order.”

Manning continues, “In junior high I was the star water boy but my dad insisted that I play quarterback. Sometimes I take a long hard look up at the sky and wonder of the life that could have been.”

 

 

All photos and content used by Milk the Bull meet all legal and copyright approval. All characters, items and situations on this site, even those based on real people, are entirely fictional.
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All photos and content used by Milk the Bull meet all legal and copyright approval. All characters, stories and situations on this editorial/satire site, even those based on real people, are entirely fictional.
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