After watching four seasons of Top Chef on Hulu, Ron Paul announced to the U.S. House of Representitives his proposal of the ‘cinnamon’ standard for the currency of the United States.
“With our current economic crisis, we cannot trust the Federal Reserve any longer. There is no where in our constitution that it says that the government can print and control the currency of the United States,” said Paul, “And after watching Dale Levitski’s come from behind victory with his Cinnamon & Walnut Pie, it’s clear to see that we need to take on the cinnamon standard for a delicious jump into the next decade.”
When asked about his gold-standard proposals Paul responded, “Gold is a thing of the past. It’s a good idea, but too impractical. What, are you seriously going to carry a brick of gold in your pocket everytime you want to buy something? That’s insane. Cinammon sticks fit much easier into a wallet or purse, and they taste great.”
Paul cited that cinnamon was the first spice to be traded between Asia and Europe, as well as being a reliable import for the Egyptians. Paul then went on for hours about who will win the current season of Top Chef and how he just cant get the right amount of rosemary for his broiled lamb.
“Have you ever sprinkled paper money on a pastry? That’s supposed to be a rhectorical question, but I actually have. It tastes horrible. Cinnamon is king,” said Paul.
Paul then passed around dishes of vanilla and cinnamon pudding to all 435 members of the House of Representatives. After a happy response, Paul then said, “See, the proof is in the pudding.” This was followed by a standing ovation.
The bill has now been moved to top of the House’s agenda, just ahead of healthcare, social security, cancer research and education.
In closing, Paul whispered, “And I don’t want to sound un-American, but Chef Levitski’s cinnamon French toast is to die for.”
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