you're reading...


Rampage prepares for fight by going to social events.

UFC light heavy contender Quinton “Rampage” Jackson held a media conference call Wednesday morning from his home in Orange County, CA. In the call “Rampage” expressed extreme confidence for his fight against his hearing impaired opponent, Matt “the Hammer” Hamill at UFC 130 this Saturday night in Las Vegas.

“Dude’s deaf.” The star of the A-Team film stated, “Be like taken candy from a baby. A baby that can’t hear me comin’.”

The rustling of pretzel, potato chip or other salted snack bag was clearly audible throughout the call as “Rampage” divulged his strategy for the fight by saying, “He reads lips. I’ll just be like, ‘that was the bell, round’s over.” Then knock him out when he drops his hands.”

When asked about his training camp, the former champion laughed, “You seen rocky, right? Well I ain’t doin’ none of that stuff.” The jovial fighter further explained his preparations with, “I just been hangin’ ‘round the crib, catchin’ up on ‘Mike and Molly’, drinkin’ Corona and humpin’ my old lady.”

One journalist pointed out that Hamill, although lacking the ability to hear, is a highly decorated collegiate wrestler with an MMA record of 10-2, currently holding a 4 fight-winning streak. At this point the line went silent for several minutes in what most involved believed to be a moment of realization for the former title-holder.  However Jackson returned explaining that his pizza had just arrived.

The woefully unprepared athlete ended the call by exclaiming, “Shit, there’s an ‘American Pickers’ marathon on! I’ll talk to you guys later.”

Jackson’s trainer and manager both declined to comment on their fighter’s situation.



No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Subscribe to Milk the Bull

Join 1,007 other followers

Milk the Bull Chooses Third World as #1 in Funny Shirts!


No B.S.

All photos and content used by Milk the Bull meet all legal and copyright approval. All characters, stories and situations on this editorial/satire site, even those based on real people, are entirely fictional.
%d bloggers like this: