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Washington, “I can’t spend my time fussing about no planes when I got bills to pay.”

The Department of Transportation released its quarterly numbers this month revealing that only two out of every four planes arrive at their destination on time. As the DOT tries to reprimand habitually late pilots, it is met with virtually no success due to spokesperson Tyrone Washington, President of the Colored Pilots Troupe (CPT) who suggests that everyone “just relax baby!”

Founded in 1898, the CPT was in operation not only before airplanes even flew, but also during a time that it was fashionable to call African Americans “colored.”  The Department of Transportation’s data shows that while a quarter of all flights were late in the last month, those flights piloted by an African American pilot were late 100% of the time.  When asked to explain the reason behind the data, a very hesitant, Caucasian DOT spokesperson declined to comment mentioning only that Obama was the President, and “look how far we’ve come.”

Upon reading the DOT’s report, Mr. Washington asked, “what’s the big deal?  You want to get there alive, don’t you?  I’m not flying through no storms.  I don’t mess with that [expletive].”  Statistics show that Mr. Washington is only partly correct.  While storms and related weather events accounted for some part of the delays, Mr. Washington concedes that it was mostly just due to the fact that “these white people can’t be in that big a hurry.  Get on [the plane], sit down, read ya magazine, and shut the [expletive] up.  We’ll get there when we get there.”

As travelers grow increasingly anxious and fed up with poor service from airlines, they are likely to find other means of transportation.  The American Automobile Association (AAA) estimates that with tumbling gas prices and fewer perks offered by the airlines, millions of people will be taking to the highways this summer.  When told of AAA’s estimation, Tyrone Washington’s response was “Let em.  But guess who controls the toll booths.”



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