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7 BILLIONTH BABY SCARED BACK INTO WOMB: 6 MORE DECADES OF SHITTY PEOPLE

Beautiful baby takes look at world before deciding that she'll come back when we agree to fix things up first.

After seeing her shadow, newborn Danica May Camacho crawled back into her mother’s vagina leaving the world just shy of 7 billion people worldwide. Many sociologists suspect that this falls under the “Groundhog Day Theory”. Instead of six more weeks of bad weather, the entire world will get six more decades of shitty people.

The overseeing doctor explained the pregnancy in full detail, “Everything was going great. She is a beautiful baby, but she was eyeing the warm nest of the vaginal opening. I briefly looked away towards my medical tray, and the next thing you know she was right back in there. I did get a hand on her foot, but she was one slippery little booger.”

President of the Philippines, Benigno Aquino said of the re-pregnancy, “This is an unfortunate event to happen at our Philippine hospital, but honestly…we’re crowded as it is. Do you understand that I live in a 500-foot studio? I’m supposed to be in a mansion or at least some big governmental house. Where is she going to sleep, huh? Not on my couch! I’ll tell you that much.”

President Aquino continued, “We hope that the 7th billion baby will be born in some place like Canada. Because let’s face it, no one is going to live there unless they’re born there in the first place.” He then reached over to high-five Vice-President, Jejomar Binay as they both unanimously said, “Stupid Canadians! Ha, ha, ha!”.

The Secretary-General of the United Nations Ban Ki-moon of South Korea also responded to the news of six more decades of shitty people, “At this point I’m used to dealing with shitty people, so what difference is six more decades going to do?” Kim-moon then said, “As long as the population of Canadians stays low then I am happy. Boo-yah!” He then reached over and high-fived both President Aquino and Vice-President Binay.

Reporters searched for further professional advice on “Groundhog Day Theory” from the name most synonymous with Groundhog Day, actor/comedian, Bill Murray. Murray was unavailable to comment, however everyone agrees that he would have said something “really fucking funny”.

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