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FLORIDA POLICE SET RECORD-BREAKING QUICKEST MURDER ARREST IN JUST UNDER 7 WEEKS

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The fastest time in Florida history was set this week as Sanford Florida police arrested a fellow by the name of George Zimmerman after only six and a half weeks. Chief Bill Lee spoke at the press conference:

“Originally we threw it on the ‘To Do’ list hanging on our office refrigerator, right under a note to pick up milk and cake for officer Baker’s birthday. But then Special Detective Jefferson found out through something called the Internet that Zimmerman was not fully white-american. So of course we rushed right over to check his papers with our special crowd control forces armed with tasers, and night-sticks. You know, just in case anything happens.

Why if Special Detective Jefferson hadn’t saved and logged off of Bejewled and seen the Internet news then we might not have got to this case so quickly.”

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