The U.S. government and Coca-Cola Incorporated are on a man-hunt for Wikileak’s founder Julian Assange for releasing the secret formula for Coke, which is cat piss.
U.S. General David Petraeus said, “Yeah we’ve told the media that it’s national security blah, blah, blah…but really, we’re furious that he’d ruin our favorite drink. I mean, I really loved drinking that stuff, but cat piss. Oh god, I can never drink it again.”
President Obama said, “Sure we could ask how Coca-Cola Incorporated train thousands, possibly millions of cats to piss in every single can of Coca-Cola, but it’s much easier to go after the whistle-blower. Did you know that I was actually drinking a Coke while reading the wikileak? Spilled the whole damn can all over my $20,000 suit. So yeah, I’m pissed, someone has to pay for it.”
General Petraeus continued, “I’m just mad. How would he like it if we read his diary out loud to the whole country? I bet that would show him. Peterson! Search Assange’s European domicile for a diary. Kill anyone who gets in the way.”
In Coke’s defense, spokesperson Scott Jacobson said, “Coke actually contains only 23% cat piss. You’re much more likely to develop cancer from Coke’s high-fructose corn syrup, or diabetes from Coke’s sucralose then to die from cat piss.”All photos and content used by Milk the Bull meet all legal and copyright approval. All characters, stories, items and situations on this site, even those based on real people, are entirely fictional.