BOCA RATON, Florida — When moderator Bob Schieffer asked Mitt Romney the opening question, “Exactly how will you communicate with Middle-Eastern leaders over terrorist threats?” Romney responded:
“I’d like to take our focus away from international relations for a moment and look at the fact that Obama didn’t kiss his first girl until the age of 17! Ha ha! It’s all right here in his diary. What a loser! Did anyone know that he wet the bed until he was 5 years old? And he couldn’t even tie his shoe until he was 7. Ha ha! Is that the kind of man you want running for president? I don’t think so. If I were a terrorist, that would be the first country I would attack. A country where a president didn’t tie his shoe well as a kid.”
Obama refuted Romney as being misleading. Obama made the correction that he actually kissed his first girl by the age of 13 and did “tongue to tongue” by the age of 14.
Joe Biden then jumped onto stage and started reading from his own diary which he said, “I keep it with me at all times because you never know when you are going to feel lonely…or dirty.” Biden started snickering to himself as he read a passage about looking up a girl’s skirt on the playground when he was only 6 years old.
Romney rebutted and said, “That’s nothing, I saw my mother naked when I was four!”
The entire crowd then grew silent for five entire minutes, as did Romney. He then excused himself to make a very personal phone call.
Paul Ryan then took stage excited to share his stories of his collection of PG-13 VHS tapes that show “a lot of cleavage and if you fast forward you get to see some really awesome nipples!”
Interactive online polls showed immediate drops in Obama’s numbers. A staggering 5% approval rating just seconds after reading the diary. Although, he did poll favorably with Americans between the ages of 3-12.