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ENTIRE TOWN MISTAKES DISTINGUISHED HOMELESS MAN FOR PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN

“I passed by him outside of the local liquor store. I did a double-take and yelled, ‘oh my god, I can’t believe it’s you’,” said local barber Larry Pittman, “I thought he was doing research for a new movie or something, so I bought him a beer and went my way. He did smell like sour milk, but I guess I wouldn’t imagine him not smelling that way.”

After only one month in the town of Duluth, Minnesota, homeless man Bob Monroe was given the key to the city and was titled the Grand Marshall of the Annual Duluth Fall Festival.

Monroe explains, “I couldn’t believe it. I’ve been homeless for damn near 30 years. One day I put on a pair of glasses and all of the sudden people treat me like a celebrity.”

“People used to kick me out of diners and beat the shit out of me,” said Monroe, “Now they buy me free meals and ask me questions about silly movies that I’ve never even seen. I just make up a few nice stories and next thing you know they treat me like a king!”

“Now if you’ll excuse me I have a limo waiting out front. I have dinner with the mayor later tonight,” said Monroe, “We’re discussing ways to make park benches more comfortable and what we can do to lower the prices on socks.”

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