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“I’ve called in the top scientists from around the world,” said President Obama, “These scientists ironically aren’t from America because we’ve stripped every dollar out of education; but I’ve asked them to construct a flag that is immune to flammability of any kind.”

The president continued, “Look, I get it. This country does awful things, but even I don’t have the power to change that. So since I can’t change your minds about burning the flags, the least I can do is change the flags. So go ahead and pour a canister of gas on that flag and see what happens. Oh, I’m sorry, did I ruin your little protest? Too bad. All of you occupiers can go ahead and occupy my asshole.”

“And in the state of Oregon, I’ve learned that 85% of Americans purchase flags for the sole purpose of being burnt. Fine. Be that way. In this instance, I’ve removed all of the American flags from the box and replaced them with Argentina flags. No one even knows what the fuck an Argentina flag looks like. They’ll be confused as hell. You ain’t gonna burn it and you sure as hell ain’t gonna burn an American flag. Good luck hanging that thing in your neighborhood.”

“Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got a wire-tap to listen too. Michelle has been making calls to Jamie Oliver about healthy food for kids. Why does she pick a handsome younger guy with an accent to work with…well I don’t know but I’m going to find out.”



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