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Fat Couple
“Oh, this is so wonderful, it looks just like us,” said theme park go-er Aubrey Johnson, “I know I’m not thin, and my teeth aren’t usually this white, but I guess in the right light I have a beautiful smile…or at least that’s what my grandmother used to tell me.”

“Listen, if I drew everyone realistically most people would be unhappy,” said cartoonist Mir’o Lowey, ” I know it’s a huge lie, making ugly people look good but I’m just trying to make it to the end of the day without getting yelled at. They planted me right next to a carousel. Do you know how many times a day I have to hear the song ‘Pop Goes the Weasel’? I am $80,000 in debt for a Master’s in Fine Arts. It’s fucking brutal bro.”

Aubrey’s long-time boyfriend Jacob Dondery said “It was a nice gesture…but I don’t even have blonde hair. He replaced my pot-belly and gave me abs. He changed my clothes, probably because of the stains on my shirt. It’s like he took every poor quality I have and made it obvious by changing it. My girlfriend loves it, but what does she know. She’s fucking a fat ugly guy. At least it got me laid.”

“And yes, we do keep the lights off while that happens.”



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All photos and content used by Milk the Bull meet all legal and copyright approval. All characters, stories and situations on this editorial/satire site, even those based on real people, are entirely fictional.
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