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JOE NAMATH’S COAT DIRECTLY LINKED TO 28 NYC MURDERS

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In what was seen as an entertaining fashion choice at the 2014 NFL Super Bowl XLVIII, Joe Namath’s fur coat has been tested and linked to 28 homicides in the greater New York city area stemming from 1977 through 2006.

NYC police were first tipped off to the coat by referee Terry McAulay who said, “During the coin toss I could smell the odor. It was pungent. It was like a mix of moth balls, Franzia and expired mayonnaise. It was as if someone had committed horrible, unspeakable crimes in that coat. Maybe involving children, maybe animal abuse. I have no idea. But my gut feeling was to report this to the authorities.”

When confronted about that day, Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning recalled, “As soon as I got near Joe, I had to step back because the look and smell of the coat was just hideous. The whole game i was wondering what animal did Joe kill for that coat? Was it a bear, was it a gay tiger? Maybe is was an extinct animal, or some kind of hybrid clone of a raccoon with an ape that had two sets of genitalia? I couldn’t concentrate, which is why I fumbled that first snap.”

The NYC police arrested Namath on Sunday night. They released a statement declaring that the forensic evidence is overwhelming. When ESPN’s Erin Andrews asked Joe about his arrest, he replied, “I’d like to make your kitty purr baby. Why don’t you slip on a comfy orange outfit and we’ll make this visit conjugal?”

Namath’s blood tests revealed alarmingly high levels of Robitussin, cocaine, mayonnaise, viagra, and Flintstones gummy vitamins.

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