Amid heavy protests by nations around the world, Russia has temporarily changed its stance on homosexuals by lifting its ban on men’s figure skating in the 2014 Olympics.
“This is a breakthrough in the great country of Russia,” said Putin, “For the next few weeks, the Russian government will temporarily allow gays to compete in the winter olympics, with the exception that once the homosexuals step off of the ice they will return to rusty iron cages that are dimly lit by torches on the wall. I’ve been watching a lot of Game of Thrones lately, I kind of like the way they treat their prisoners.”
“These prisoners…I mean guests…will have a nice 27” color TV,” said Putin, “Where they can watch both of our Russian channels. They can choose from Russia 1, with the hit TV show “Politsiya”. It’s is kind of like America’s version of “Cops”. Only in this instance Russian police just go around beating the shit out of innocent citizens and stealing their cheese. Or you can watch Russia 2, which is a craft network for mothers that teaches them how to make those dolls that go inside of one another. This is a very popular network because it helps ease citizens’ minds from horrible things…like Russian police who beat the shit out of innocent citizens and steal their cheese.”