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PAT SAJAK “DECADES OF ABUSING HAIRSPRAY HAS STRICKEN ME WITH ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE”

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Pat Sajak’s publicist released a statement explaining the Wheel of Fortune host’s bizarre tweet calling global warming alarmists “unpatriotic racists” is actually a product of stage-2 Alzheimer’s disease from using vast amounts of hairspray.

While the statement was meant to clarify the previous message that left many of his fans questioning his sanity, Sajak only further confused the public. The open letter begins by randomly claiming that “Bill Nye was responsible for the holocaust”. While the document is several pages long it never broaches the subject of global warming but rather focuses on impossible accusations such as the HIV virus being created by Nikola Tesla to eliminate Samoans.

Shortly after the letter was released Sajak’s family had him forcefully admitted to a local hospital for observation. As he entered the building, the beloved television personality dropped another bombshell by shouting to reporters that as a youth he had been “molested by science”. Sajak later said that he is happy at the hospital because his 94-year old roommate also ‘knows’ that the moon landing was a hoax.

Vanna White, Sajak’s long time cohost, was reached for comment but refrained from responding until journalists could guess her statement.

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