“Do you know which way the deli is?” asks Roger the unicyclist, while riding his ridiculous contraption in the bicycle lane as if it’s a real bike.
“Of course Roger knows where the fucking deli is,” said Keith Anderson, a long time neighbor of Roger. “It’s the most popular deli in the city and it’s right by his apartment. He just wants attention for that absurd toy that he’s riding. I would steal that shit from him, but I’d only be doing him a favor. I just assume that he’s a child molester because there’s no reason for a grown man to be riding a unicycle like that.”
The city police are also suspicious that Roger might be a child molester. While Roger has an absolutely clean legal record, with not even a parking ticket to his name; due to his unicycle activities alone, police have reason to believe that Roger has possibly been molesting thousands of children per year. Authorities have been monitoring the situation.
The police ask that if you see anyone riding a unicycle that you report them immediately to protect the safety of the public. They would also like to remind the public that even though the “Stand Your Ground Law” is not legal in this city, they would be willing to make an exception.