A Seattle mother made a rare but strong move this weekend by bringing her crying infant into a packed movie theater, but most of the audience members seemed to enjoy her otherwise illogical decision.
“Kids are always the cutest when they’re crying at the top of their lungs,” said movie-goer Tyra Patterson, “I usually try to respect other people’s feelings, but in this case I’m glad that the mother has total disregard for anyone but herself. Good thing she’s created another person just like her.”
“I was afraid that the rest of the movie theatre would get tired of hearing my baby cry,” said oblivious mother Aparna Gupta, “So I also brought a loud baby rattle and one of those electronic books that make barnyard noises when you turn the page. I was certain to use those during the quite scenes when people where trying to learn more about the storyline.”
“She did a great job tonight,” said movie-goer Michael Davenport, “I couldn’t hear one word of the movie the entire time. It was very impressive. The endurance of a mother to ignore her baby’s pleas to be taken home and comforted, instead of being forced into a packed movie theater was truly a spectacle to behold. I’ve never seen more resilient parenting.”
The theater manager notified Milk The Bull that this was the first time an entire movie theater stood up and applaud after a movie ended. He said, “It seems they were really happy of the mother’s performance as a completely ignorant and selfish human being.”
When asked what she was going to do after the movie the mother replied, “Well, I was hoping to go to a nice quite restaurant, and sit next to a couple who was on an intimate date. I probably won’t leave a tip, but I will ask the waiter to bring a lot of unnecessary items to the table. Just like most other human beings, waiters like it when you completely disrespect them.”
“After that I’ll probably go to the hat store and buy one of those tall hats that have a lot of fruit on top so that I can wear it to the next movie. I’m sure that people are also pretty tired of being able to see the movie as well.”
The mother did have one complaint for the night though, “Right in the middle of the movie there was a very rude gentleman who forgot to turn his cell phone off. True, he did turn it off immediately after it vibrated, but who does he think he is?”