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comedy, political, racial, satire

FERGUSON POLICE BELIEVE PANCAKE BREAKFAST WILL SOLVE “THIS WHOLE MURDER THING”

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In response to city-wide riots from the murder of an unarmed man, Ferguson Missouri police believe that community relations can be restored by hosting a free pancake breakfast this Saturday from 8 a.m. to Noon at the Ferguson police department.

“It’s going to be great,” said Police Chief Thomas Jackson , “There will be pancakes, an inflatable jump house for the kids and we’re even considering not tear-gassing people while they eat with their families.”

“Is our Boysenberry syrup delicious? I want you to be the judge,” said Chief Jackson, “No. Really. Can you please be our judge? Our city judge left yesterday because we have no fucking clue what we’re doing.”

“Do we have video cameras on our cars to hold our police accountable? No,” said Chief Jackson, “Did we just spend thousands of dollars on big new guns that we didn’t need? Definitely. You think police officers get into their jobs because they want to help people?”

“This pancake breakfast is our last hope,” said Chief Jackson, “Well…I mean, we could release the police officer’s name and the riots would immediately stop. But then we’d have to put our officer in hiding. Just think of all of the trouble he would have to go through packing his clothes and setting up his Xbox One at his new residence? That’s just a really inconvenient situation for him.”

Police Chief Jackson then put on a cowboy hat even though he does not own a ranch and lives no where close to Texas.

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Discussion

One thought on “FERGUSON POLICE BELIEVE PANCAKE BREAKFAST WILL SOLVE “THIS WHOLE MURDER THING”

  1. To be honest, I wouldn’t trust this by any means. Would they put something in the food? Is this a trick to gather people up and gas them even further or something worse? Is this going to continue and relive the past? What if they make this a wide spread thing? NO; some pancake is not going to fix this. You have caused all of this and now you want it to settle with pancakes?! What kind of sick joke is this?!?!

    Posted by Samantha | August 14, 2014, 8:33 pm

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