In response to city-wide riots from the murder of an unarmed man, Ferguson Missouri police believe that community relations can be restored by hosting a free pancake breakfast this Saturday from 8 a.m. to Noon at the Ferguson police department.
“It’s going to be great,” said Police Chief Thomas Jackson , “There will be pancakes, an inflatable jump house for the kids and we’re even considering not tear-gassing people while they eat with their families.”
“Is our Boysenberry syrup delicious? I want you to be the judge,” said Chief Jackson, “No. Really. Can you please be our judge? Our city judge left yesterday because we have no fucking clue what we’re doing.”
“Do we have video cameras on our cars to hold our police accountable? No,” said Chief Jackson, “Did we just spend thousands of dollars on big new guns that we didn’t need? Definitely. You think police officers get into their jobs because they want to help people?”
“This pancake breakfast is our last hope,” said Chief Jackson, “Well…I mean, we could release the police officer’s name and the riots would immediately stop. But then we’d have to put our officer in hiding. Just think of all of the trouble he would have to go through packing his clothes and setting up his Xbox One at his new residence? That’s just a really inconvenient situation for him.”
Police Chief Jackson then put on a cowboy hat even though he does not own a ranch and lives no where close to Texas.