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STORE OWNER: “MR. COSBY’S 40-YEARS OF ROBITUSSIN AND CONDOM PURCHASES STARTING TO MAKE SENSE”

Cosby

In the midst of comedian Bill Cosby’s serial rape accusations, local corner store owner Mitchell Hoffman starts to wonder if Mr. Cosby really did have an ongoing chronic cough for the past 40 years of his life.

“He would always come in and purchase multiple bottles of cough syrup and condoms,” said Hoffman, “I’d say, ‘Looks like you’re at it again Mr. Cosby.’ He’d laugh, give me a high five and say ‘Oh yeah my brother. A player’s got to get him some.’ Then I would look at him in a confused manner and say ‘I meant the cough syrup Bill. You buy three bottles of cough syrup every Saturday night. I’m worried about your health.’ Then he’d started coughing a lot out of no where and say, ‘Yes…(cough, cough)…oh yes, I’m still very, sick. I’ve got to go now. Bye-bye!’ ”

Hoffman continued, “And he’d have all of these questions about the syrup. I would tell him which brand helps get rid of colds and he would pretty much ignore what I said and just ask which flavor would be least likely to taste in a glass of wine, or a cup of Kool-Aid?”

“I’d say ‘I don’t know Bill. Aren’t you more concerned about getting better? And it was really weird because as sick as he said he was, he was always dressed in some fancy, outlandish suit as if he’s going out to the bars! I just didn’t understand this guy.”

“But yeah, I just read the internet yesterday and it turns out he raped a bunch of woman. And I mean A LOT of woman. So the whole rapist thing kind of makes sense now.”

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