“I like to start of slow and friendly,” said Clinton, “Maybe with something like Wilson Philips ‘Hold On’, then I slowly crank it up to a little Shania Twain ‘Man I Feel Like a Women’ and by the end of the night I’m usually singing while laying down with my yellow pant-suit half way off while some rich Asian guy is doing coke off me.”
Hillary Clinton made an estimated $2 million in just two years meeting with big banks, which lead many to speculate that she is deep in the pockets of Wall Street CEO’s, however the newly released transcripts reveal that she spent every last minute of her speeches belting out personal renditions to “Jagged Little Pill”, “Pour Some Sugar on Me”, and “Toxic”.
“It’s so much fun,” said Clinton, “I’d honestly do it for free, but don’t tell them that. Me and Bill are way behind on our QVC bills. I swear to god he buys a new blender every week. His smoothies taste like stale dog urine. Change the god-damn ingredients. It’s not the blender’s fault.”